Life lately has been tough around here. This winter is getting to me like no other winter ever dared.
There are waves of emotions (usually not very positive ones) coming at me faster than I can catch my breath. I try very hard to go through these emotional waves in a very conscious way. Alas, the harder I try to stay composed the harder I fail at it. I try very hard to observe those emotions rather than to act on them. Yet again, I let those waves to carry me away.
What can I say? I am a mess. Anything can evoke tears in my eyes. Anything can drive me up the wall.
This past week my “cabin fever” reached its apogee – I felt such pity for myself that I made myself cry. Go ahead, laugh at me! First, I remembered that I haven’t had a real vacation since being seven weeks pregnant. And I cried. Then I remembered that I haven’t had a single day off in over twenty-five months. And I cried even harder. And since misery loves company, I then called Val and in some grand details elaborated on my “pity mathematics” while sobbing uncontrollably. And… I might have also mentioned all those numbers to a few people over the phone and via other communication channels… So I’d like to take a moment now and apologize to everyone for spreading around not very lovely, or should I say, yuckie vibes. I swear I’ll take ’em back… no questions asked and full refund guaranteed!
Those yuckie vibes happen to be sticky too! They stuck to my boys and they’ve been paying me back with abundance of tantrums, with refusals to eat or drink milk, and with some serious attitude at bedtime. And just when I thought that my misery cannot get more miserable, it actually did. My boys reminded me what it is like to be sleep deprived. I took it like a tough woman I am, fixed the situation to my best ability, and decided that I’ll try again, this time even harder, to fight those crazy crushing waves. And count… Count days until spring.